| Sigh. |
[01 Sep 2009|10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
There was someone after Mike...someone that I took a chance on,
and he showed me how dangerous it is to take a chance and give your heart to someone.
It was a chance I could not afford to take, but I took it and I lost.
And I felt stupid...I still feel stupid.
Sad, but you live and you learn when pieces of you are chipped away.
Now every time I start to get close to someone I run in the other direction.
Don't get me wrong, I am still happy. Just tired of always having my wall up, with my philosophy that "they all leave in the end"
I'm happy alone, just tired of running.
When will I stand still and let the feelings hit me like a ton of bricks? 
|
(live dangerously)
|
| I'm alive |
[01 Sep 2009|04:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
I am alive.
And actually somewhat happy.
Yes, I do miss Mike, but I realized that sometimes love is not enough.
If someone loves you, they will show you in their actions ALL the time,
not mess up, mistreat you, and then say "oh, but I LOVE you..you should know that."
I am learning, growing, and changing.
And although I have ZERO trust in men and never want to date again,
I think I will survive in this big, bad world.
Hello.
|
(live dangerously)
|
| ... |
[15 May 2009|02:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
Sometimes..I wonder..
Am I still here? Still alive? Can people see me..feel me?
Why don't I feel real? Why can't I feel at all?
How did I hit the bottom and still keep falling?
I'm numb..and I think that I am alright with that.
|
(live dangerously)
|
|
[23 Sep 2008|11:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
Give me strength to get through the darkest night.
|
(live dangerously)
|
| Only when the drugs are done... |
[06 Aug 2008|03:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
So Mike and I are..kind've back together (I am actually not sure, but whatever), and he expects me to be all "sunshine & lollipops"..ugh. He just doesn't understand, once someone betrays the person who loved them the MOST, you just can't go back to being how it was before. I will always be afraid, always be nervous, and never give my heart completely to anyone. I thought it would be different this time but it wasn't. And when I try to talk to him about it, he makes me feel like a mental case...well fuck, I am sorry if him betraying me makes me feel dead inside...and nothing can make me feel alive again.
One good thing that has come from all of this is that I can channel my emotions into my modeling, and end up getting some really great shots.
More later.
|
(1 are on the edge | live dangerously)
|
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xxdangerously's journal
